I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
