Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize