Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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