when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
