And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize