Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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