Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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