then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
