Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
