I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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