dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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