We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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