Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
