he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
