You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
