Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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