i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
