They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
