Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
