my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i drank out of a bidet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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