If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
