Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
