I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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