How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
