I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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