Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
