my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
