All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
