Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
