Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
