Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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