dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
