i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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