You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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