Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
