Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Can Purell be used as lube?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
