I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
