A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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