your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
