Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
