i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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