It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
