Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Actions speak louder than pants.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
