My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
