so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
