Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
