I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
