I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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