you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
