That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
