I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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