Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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