weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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