I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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