Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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