but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
