i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
