I think im going to throw up on grandma
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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