life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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