there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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