his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Text me some of your sweat
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
