Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I could make wine with my vomit
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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