Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cut my penus on the lid.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize