i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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