my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
