So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
