They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you didnt know i had herpes?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize