420 ftw
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
