You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
