u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
