I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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