I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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